and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
where are my eyebrows?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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