You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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