Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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