I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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