can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
