you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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