I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
