Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
...so i touched it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
