Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
