Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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