when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
