wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
