he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
