I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
