i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
