You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
