Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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