I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
