the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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