Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
