On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
