We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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