dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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