do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
