when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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