The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
