when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize