Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
