I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
