What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think we might need a safe word for this...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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