I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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