God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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