So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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