OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
