Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
