I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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