i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
