I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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