You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
