quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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