I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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