We're facebook friends in real life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize