first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
