This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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