I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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