I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you never un-have a 4some
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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