I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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