I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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