I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
