oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
