Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the condom got lost in my hair
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
