Need sex. Gaining weight.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i will never coherently bang her
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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