THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
