If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
