He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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