I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
