I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I would ride that face into the sunset
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
