Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
