she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
