party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
