STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize