I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
