Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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