SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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