if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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